Are You a Boor?

When you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning as you shave (unless you have a beard) or put on your makeup, do you ever ask yourself if you are a boor?

I’m quite sure that this question is furthest from your mind. What, me? No way.

The word “boor” comes from the German word “Bauer,” which means peasant. Remember the Boer War at the beginning of the twentieth century in which the English fought the Afrikaaners and set up the first concentration camps?

That’s not the kind of Boor that I have in mind.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines a boor as someone “who is rude and does not respect the feelings of others.”

TThat definition is closer to home. Now you’re not so sure whether you’re a boor or not, are you? As you think about it, you probably recall some (many) incidents in which you behaved rudely or did not respect the feelings of others.

What’s the big deal, you ask?

It may not be such a big deal if we occasionally forget someone’s birthday or forget to answer his letter, which really shouldn’t happen..

It becomes a big deal if our rude acts of commission or omission became a habit. Then in time we acquire the character of a boor. And that’s bad.

Do not follow the example of Nathan Rothschild, whom I have selected to epitomize the boor supreme. A prominent person called on Nathan to negotiate a loan and was told to take a chair. The prominent person became impatient that the financier did not look up from his papers and said, “Did you hear who I am?” Nathan replied, Very well, then, take two chairs.” (Marcus Eli Ravage, Five Men of Frankfurt).

Becoming habituated to being rude brings to mind Oscar Wilde’s horror tale The Portrait of Dorian Grey, in which Dorian remains an innocent looking youth while the portrait takes on all of the ugliness of Dorian’s foul deeds.

In the same way, our bigger and smaller acts of rudeness work to form our Portrait of a Boor.

To prevent ourselves from falling into this trap, we have to be ever watchful against committing acts of rudeness, and we have to cultivate the capacity to feel empathy. That’s a fancy word for putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes.

The cultivation of empathy is an effective antidote against rudeness.

The perusal of novels such as Jane Austin’s shows us a world in which the mechanisms of social control tempered rudeness. In such a genteel society the boor was quickly ostracized.

Now we live in a society in which we often do not deal with persons face to face. In the electronic society people can hide behind the cloak of anonymity because their actions are not subject to social control. A toad can spit out its venom with impunity.

The conclusion of this superficial analysis is that one of the negative consequences of the Social Media is that they encourage rudeness.

That kind of behavior is detrimental to society because it works to weaken social relationships. To pit it another way, it loosens the social bond.

From what has been said, it is obvious that we should not respond to rudeness with rudeness of our own.

We should keep in mind that Immanuel Kant said that every individual is an end himself and never should be used as a means. That means that every person, even a boor, deserves to be treated with respect. The boor will be surprised that you respect ham/her.

Since nowadays people do not learn proper behavior at home or, even less so, in school those aging vats, the only recourse is to consult a good authority.

Emily Post’s Etiquette, now in its 17th edition. is a good place to start working on forming a character of refinement and affability.

Amy Vanderbilt is another popular author.

Some books can be downloaded for free on the Internet.

Here is a link to the website of Thomas P. Farley, who is known as Mister Manners:

What Manners MostI

If the link doesn’t work, type the name in the Goggle search box.

The time to start is NOW..